When I first moved here I was so happy and the possibilities of the city around me filled me with hope and energy. But now the flush of a new start is long over and I am struggling and stumbling more than ever. I am having growing pains with my new responsibilities at work and when I struggle at work the despair comes back, stronger and blacker each time. I feel like I keep discovering new limitations inside of myself, and keep adding more and more examples to the tally of life-skills that I simply cannot seem to master. Over and over again. I don't know what to do and I am losing my will to move forward.
I miss things that everyone else sees, both in the lab and out on the street, among my friends and my roommates. I don't notice that car X belongs to person Y. I don't take that extra time to think through what the inconclusive gel is telling me or if I do, my thinking becomes muddled in tangents and I overlook the obvious. I don't know what to do. It's affecting my work, my boss' view of my work, and what little confidence I have in myself. I feel like I am adrift, without a map. Lost.
4 comments:
I hope you have been doing better now.
Thank you, Onionesque. Your comment got buried under the Asian porn invasion and I only saw it just now! Things are better, much, much better now! I will hopefully start posting more often soon.
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